Friday, July 25, 2014

SOUP TO NUTS: Goofy Church Sign!!

The church near our house has put up another Goofy Church Sign!  It's been a long dry spell since they fired the person who was the original "Keeper of the Most Holy Sign".  He put up some real beauties.  I miss him. (See past post on Goofy Church Signs)  The new person actually put up signs that weren't outrageous or hateful.  But.....patience is a virtue.  I knew they wouldn't let me down.

So let's see, God is good all the time???

Here's a few examples of when he's not.

Numbers 31:15-18 (NIV)
15"Have you allowed all the women to live?" he asked them. 16 "They were the ones who followed Balaam's advice and enticed the Israelites to be unfaithful to the Lord in the Peor incident, so that a plague struck the Lord's people. 17 Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, 18 but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man.

1 Samuel 15:3 (NIV)
3 Now go and attack Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and do not spare them. But kill both man and woman, infant and nursing child, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.

Deuteronomy 22:28-29 (NIV)
28 If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, 29 he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.

And one of my personal favorites:

2 Chronicles 15:13 (NIV)
13 All who would not seek the Lord, the God of Israel, were to be put to death, whether small or great, man or woman.

I think this church sign is fucked up like a soup sandwich!!

Sunday, June 15, 2014


     It's time to look at the New Testament and see what it has to offer in the way of weird and strange.  I was drawn to the story of Jesus killing the fig tree.  One of the first things that comes to mind is why Jesus would kill a fig tree by putting a curse on it.  After all, it's not like the fig tree can hurt Jesus or for that matter, anyone else.  And putting a curse on an object is sort of like witchcraft.  It just seems a little weird.

     As I stated in the last Sunday School lesson, we can find two different versions of just about every story in the bible.  And it's no different with the story of the fig tree.  Matthew and Mark cover the curse of the fig tree, but they have different accounts of how the fig tree murder goes down.  In both books we find that essentially the story goes like this; Jesus makes his triumphant entry into Jerusalem, goes to the temple, kick ass on the moneylenders, gets hungry, finds a fig tree and kills it.  Then he pontificates on having faith.  Both Matthew and Mark tell this story differently.  You would think that if the bible is the inerrant word of God, he could have at least made sure everything flowed and all the facts were right.

     In Matthew's version (Matthew 21) Jesus makes his grand entrance into Jerusalem and proceeds to the temple where he finds the moneylenders.  Jesus loses his temper and forgets about turning the other cheek and whips up on the moneylenders.  He then does what Jesus does best, he heals a few sick folk, and finds time to bitch out the priest.  It's been a long day for the Son of God so he and the disciples hot foot it to Bethany for the night.

     In the morning they start back to Jerusalem and Jesus is feeling a little peckish.  He sees a fig tree, but it doesn't have any fruit only leaves.  Jesus loses his cool again and curses the fig tree for not having any fruit for the Son of God to eat.  The fig tree withers right before the eyes of the disciples and understandably this act freaks out the disciples.  Twice in as many days they have witnessed the Prince of Peace losing his calm, loving demeanor.  He beats the moneylenders, trashes their stalls in the temple and then murders a fig tree. Tough couple of days for the Son of God.

Matthew 21:18-20  (NIV)

18 Early in the morning, as Jesus was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. 19 Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, “May you never bear fruit again!” Immediately the tree withered.

20 When the disciples saw this, they were amazed. “How did the fig tree wither so quickly?” they asked.
     Jesus must have realized he was freaking out his boys, and probably needed to calm the situation down a little.  Towards this end he explains to the disciples that they too can kill fig trees if they just have a little faith; or they can throw mountains into the sea, either one.  Jesus says, "All you have to do is just believe."  Interesting two thousand years since the Jesus, on one else has killed a fig tree by wishing it to death or thrown a mountain into the sea.  Guess Christians don't have enough faith.
   Matthew 21:21-22
21 Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. 22 If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”
     We move on to Marks's version (Mark 11) of the killing of the fig tree.  As I've said incidents are arranged in a different order in Mark.  As in Matthew's version we have Jesus making his grand entrance into Jerusalem and with the disciples, he makes his way over to the temple.  In Mark, Jesus doesn't realize what time it is and gets to the temple after closing time.  Why doesn't Jesus know that the temple is closed? Shouldn't Jesus know that everybody who is anybody has already left the temple?  Can't beat moneylenders if they aren't there.  Since it's late in the day Jesus and the disciples decide to walk the two miles to Bethany for the night. 
     In the morning they start back to Jerusalem.  Jesus is hungry and looking for breakfast.  He sees a fig tree in the distance and walks over to see if it has any fruit.  The question comes up, why did Jesus need to go see if the tree had any fruit?  He is God incarnate.  In Matthew 10:30 God knows how many hairs are on your head.  Why doesn't he know the fig tree doesn't have any fruit? Oy Vey!!
     Mark tell us something important that Matthew leaves out.  The fig tree didn't have any fruit because it's not the season for the tree to bear fruit.  So in effect, Jesus throws a hissy fit because there is no fruit on the tree when there shouldn't be any fruit on the tree!  Jesus curses the fig tree, but the tree doesn't die instantly.  It seems Jesus's mojo takes a little longer to work on the tree.  Of course this does not bode well for the moneylenders.  Jesus is already pissed when he shows up at the temple.
Mark 11:12-17
12 The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry.13 Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. 14 Then he said to the tree,” May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” And his disciples heard him say it. 15 On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple courts and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves, 16 and would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts. 17 And as he taught them, he said, “Is it not written: ‘My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations’? But you have made it ‘a den of robbers.’”
Mark 11:19-26
19 When evening came, Jesus and his disciples went out of the city.20 In the morning, as they went along, they saw the fig tree withered from the roots. 21 Peter remembered and said to Jesus, “Rabbi, look! The fig tree you cursed has withered!”
     What are we to make of the murdering of the fig tree?  I've read a few commentaries on this and some claim it's about the Jewish Nation not preforming up to standards.  They aren't accepting of Jesus and his ministry.  Or could it be a message to Christians?  If Christians aren't producing fruit (works) then it's time to rip them up by the roots.  So maybe they receive an allotment of time from God to produce or they get God Wacked.  Just a thought.  This bible story about the murder of the fig tree, is fucked up like a soupsandwich!



Friday, May 30, 2014


The American Family Association wants it's members to refuse any piece of mail with the Harvey Milk stamp.  Hmmmmm, so guess I'll go and buy some Harvey Milk stamps and send them a letter.  It would be nice if we could get lots and lots of people to send them letters too.  Wonder how they would feel having to mark every letter with "Return to Sender".  Below is the link to the article.

Their address is:  American Family Association
                          P.O. Box 3206
                          Tupelo, Ms. 38803

Well I'm off to the post office to buy my Harvey Milk stamps!!!

Friday, May 23, 2014



    Bible stories about Abraham are preached and talked about a great deal by the clergy.  When I went to church and Sunday school I heard a lot about Abraham and how he was the Patriarch of the Jewish people and all around great guy.  Then I started reading the Bible and things really didn’t make much sense, as is often the case when you sit down and read the Bible.
Things get really convoluted in the Bible.  It’s almost as if there were two or more versions of the Bible and somebody decided to mash them all together.  Read the Genesis account of Creation and you find two different accounts both in Genesis 1:25-27 and 2:18-22.  There are three different versions of the Ten Commandments in Exodus 20: 2-17 / 34: 12-26 and Deuteronomy 5:6-21.
When we get to the story of Abraham things really turn weird.  Preachers love to focus on Abraham and Sarah having a child, Isaac, when Abraham was 100 and Sarah was 90 years old.  That alone is weird and creepy.  It gets creepier.  Either Sarah was Abraham’s niece or his half-sister.   We really don’t know because there appears to be two versions.  In the first version in Genesis 11: 29-27 it would seem that Sarah is his niece.
Genesis 11
 27 This is the account of Terah’s family line.  Terah became the father of Abram, Nahor and Haran. And Haran became the father of Lot. 28 While his father Terah was still alive, Haran died in Ur of the Chaldeans, in the land of his birth. 29 Abram and Nahor both married. The name of Abram’s wife was Sarai, and the name of Nahor’s wife was Milkah; she was the daughter of Haran, the father of both Milkah and Iskah. 

In Genesis 20:11-12, the second version of this weird and creepy story, Abraham claims that Sarah is his sister by another mother.
Genesis 20
11 Abraham replied, “I said to myself, ‘There is surely no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife.’12 Besides, she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not of my mother; and she became my wife. 

We don’t know if Sarah was his half-sister or niece, but it doesn’t really matter.  Abraham pawned her off as his sister, that we know for sure.  Abraham was the first to use the confidence scam called the Jealous Husband.  Actually the Con used today is a variation of Abraham’s original scam.  Today’s Jealous Husband works like this; the mark meets a beautiful girl in the bar and after some drinks she invites him up to her room.   As she starts to take off her clothes  the husband (Con-man) breaks in and catches them in the act.  He then demands money from the mark.  The mark can’t let this get back to his wife so he pays up.
The Bible says Abraham used this Con twice, once in Egypt and again in the land of Negev. Both times Abraham makes a big score.  Can Abraham’s actions be considered the righteous acts of a holy man? 
In Egypt he instructs Sarah to tell the Egyptians that she is his sister, because Abraham seems to think the Egyptians will kill him and take Sarah.  He feels they are an ungodly bunch and have no morals.  But it appears to be the reverse.  When the Pharaoh finds out that Sarah is Abraham’s wife he genuinely feels guilt and shame for taking Sarah as one of his wives.  He ask Abraham, “What have you done to me?” and “Why didn’t you tell me she was your wife?” It sounds as though Pharaoh was the more righteous man.  Abraham makes off with sheep, cattle, donkeys, male and female slaves and camels.  The pickens was good.

Genesis 12
10 Now there was a famine in the land, and Abram went down to Egypt to live there for a while because the famine was severe.11 As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, “I know what a beautiful woman you are. 12 When the Egyptians see you, they will say, ‘This is his wife.’ Then they will kill me but will let you live. 13 Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you.”
14 When Abram came to Egypt, the Egyptians saw that Sarai was a very beautiful woman. 15 And when Pharaoh’s officials saw her, they praised her to Pharaoh, and she was taken into his palace.16 He treated Abram well for her sake, and Abram acquired sheep and cattle, male and female donkeys, male and female servants, and camels.
17 But the Lord inflicted serious diseases on Pharaoh and his household because of Abram’s wife Sarai. 18 So Pharaoh summoned Abram. “What have you done to me?” he said. “Why didn’t you tell me she was your wife? 19 Why did you say, ‘She is my sister,’ so that I took her to be my wife? Now then, here is your wife. Take her and go!” 20 Then Pharaoh gave orders about Abram to his men, and they sent him on his way, with his wife and everything he had.

A lot happens between this shake down of the Pharaoh and the shake down of Abimelek.   Lot and Abraham part company, their livestock start getting mixed in with each other and fights break out between the wranglers of Lot and Abraham.  Sounds like a bad cowboy movie.  Then Abraham has to rescues Lot from some Bad Guys.  Sounds like a bad gangster movie.  The Lord makes a covenant with Abraham, he is impressed with Abraham’s thug ways.  Oh yea, then there is the Hagar and Ishmael incident.  Seems Abraham and Sarah have an open marriage.  There’s some more high times with Abraham and Sarah you can read it for yourself.
In Genesis 20, Abraham has out stayed his welcome so he moves on to a land called Negev.  It’s the region of present day Southern Israel.  He might have been a little poorer for ware and needed to refill his coffers.   So he makes a move on King Abimelek of Gerar.  Abraham plays the Con the same way he did in Egypt, no use to fix it if it ain’t broke.  Abe tells Abimelek that Sarah is his sister and right on cue she’s taken as one of the Kings wives.  
Genesis 20
1Now Abraham moved on from there into the region of the Negev and lived between Kadesh and Shur. For a while he stayed in Gerar, and there Abraham said of his wife Sarah, “She is my sister.” Then Abimelek king of Gerar sent for Sarah and took her.
Now Abraham has another member of his crew that religious con-artist don’t have today.  God.   And he is one Bad-Ass.  Abe doesn’t have to break any doors down, he has God do the dirty work.  In a dream one night God tells Abimelek, “You’re good as dead.”  But Abimelek stands up to God and says, “Hey, hey bite me!  Dude told me she was his sister. And anyway I didn’t even touch her!” God has to back down, then God claims it was he who didn’t let Abimelek touch Sarah.  So he tells Abimelek to give Sarah back and tag tag no tag back.  Everything is cool.

Genesis 20
But God came to Abimelek in a dream one night and said to him, “You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman.”Now Abimelek had not gone near her, so he said, “Lord, will you destroy an innocent nation? Did he not say to me, ‘She is my sister,’ and didn’t she also say, ‘He is my brother’? I have done this with a clear conscience and clean hands.”
Then God said to him in the dream, “Yes, I know you did this with a clear conscience, and so I have kept you from sinning against me. That is why I did not let you touch her. Now return the man’s wife, for he is a prophet, and he will pray for you and you will live. But if you do not return her, you may be sure that you and all who belong to you will die.”

As with Pharaoh, Abimelek comes across as more of a righteous person than Abraham.  He too displays genuine guilt and shame after taking Sarah as one of his wives.  He says to Abraham, “You have done things to me that should never be done.”  But yet Abraham is touted as a Prophet and Patriarch.
Genesis 20
Early the next morning Abimelek summoned all his officials, and when he told them all that had happened, they were very much afraid. Then Abimelek called Abraham in and said, “What have you done to us? How have I wronged you that you have brought such great guilt upon me and my kingdom? You have done things to me that should never be done.” 10 And Abimelek asked Abraham, “What was your reason for doing this?” 11 Abraham replied, “I said to myself, ‘There is surely no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife.’12 Besides, she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not of my mother; and she became my wife. 13 And when God had me wander from my father’s household, I said to her, ‘This is how you can show your love to me: Everywhere we go, say of me, “He is my brother.”’”
Just like in Egypt Abraham and his crew score big, really big.  Abimelek gives him sheep, cattle, and slaves (male and female).  And he tells Abraham to pick out as much land as he thinks he will need to live on.   Abimelek then tells Sarah he is giving a thousand shekels of silver to Abraham to cover any misunderstanding.   
14 Then Abimelek brought sheep and cattle and male and female slaves and gave them to Abraham, and he returned Sarah his wife to him. 15 And Abimelek said, “My land is before you; live wherever you like.”
16 To Sarah he said, “I am giving your brother a thousand shekels[a] of silver. This is to cover the offense against you before all who are with you; you are completely vindicated.”
Who are the Godly and who are the Ungodly in these stories?  Is it the man who married his niece, pawned her off as his sister and extorted land and wealth from unsuspecting men?  Or is it men who were not of the same family or religion as Abraham that were ungodly? Is that the lesson we should take from this Bible story.  Anybody who is not like us is fair game for anything we want to do to them, in the name of God.  Abimelek said the most damning statement to Abraham, “You have done things to me that should never be done.”

It would appear that Abraham is no Prophet or Patriarch….he’s just fucked up like a soup sandwich.   

Monday, May 12, 2014

Soup to Nuts:

     Pope Francis has decided it is time for the rich to get up off their money and give most of it back to the poor.  Now there's an idea.  You go Francis.  Of course there is just one problem with this, is it all of the rich or just the secular rich?  Francis didn't say anything about the Catholic Church liquidating its assets and redistributing the church's wealth.  No no no that just won't as I say, not as I do.  The Catholic Church is worth somewhere between $10 billion and $15 billion.  Yea billion with a B, goddamit. Of that wealth the Church has about $1.6 billion in Italian stocks.  Also, and here is the kicker, the Church doesn't pay any taxes on its income.  So unlike Al Capone the Church can't be indicted for tax evasion.  They, like Al Capone, get away with murder.

Pope Francis and the Church are Fucked Up Like a Soup Sandwich!!

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Soup to Nuts: Jesus Loves Us to Death

There was a song we sang in Sunday School, it was called "Jesus Loves Me This I Know". It was written by William Batchelder Bradbury.  The first stanza is:

                                               Jesus loves me—this I know,
                                               For the Bible tells me so;
                                               Little ones to Him belong—
                                               They are weak, but He is strong.

Now along comes Pat Robertson who says Jesus is coming back and going to hit the earth with an asteroid.  This will bring about the "End of Time".  It seems to me that a loving "God" would not kill a third of his creation just because he can, but maybe I'm wrong.  A percentage of that third will be the unborn and little children. The innocent.  I can't help but think ole Pat would be standing around getting off watching all that death and the name of God of course.  Here is the link to the article at the Raw Story.

As far as I concerned Pat Robertson is Fucked Up Like a Soup Sandwich.

Wednesday, April 02, 2014

In my Father's house are many mansions... and one in Atlanta.

Soup Du Jour

The Roman Catholic Archbishop of Atlanta has build a 2.2 million dollar mansion for himself.  He is apologizing for building it, but says he may sell it if the church and other advisers will it. The key phase here is "may sell".  Religion is all about wealth and control (to include control of the wealth).  Good thing there isn't any homeless people in Atlanta that need help. As jesus said in Matthew 26:11," The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me."  What a dick.

To read the entire article click on the link below.

Archbishop Wilton Gregory